Grief is not something you can guarantee yourself you will never experience.As long as you are alive you have to be prepared for it.
You may experience grief in your life in these three instances .The loss of a loved one ,a painful breakup loss of a job and even the crumbling of a business.Grief is a personal thing and anyone decides how they go about it.
The origin of the first stages of Grief
The five stages of grief are known as the Kubler-Ross model. This was after a Swiss American Psychiatrist named Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote in her book titled Death and dying.
She came up with the five stages after making an observation after years of working and handling terminally ill individuals. Ross observed how they were ill and their overall life while sick and lost.
Grief is a very overwhelming emotion. Most of the time to avoid the painful reality you pretend that the loss or the changes haven’t happened.
Denial gives you time to absorb the news more and begin to process it. This is a common defense mechanism and helps numb you to the intensity of the situation.
As you move out of the denial stage, however, the emotions you’ve been hiding will begin to rise. You’ll be confronted with a lot of sorrow you’ve denied. That is also part of the journey of grief, but it can be difficult.
Anger can be used to hide many emotions of the pain you are going through. Thus a suitable masking approach. in the anger stage, you may direct it to other people.
You may be angry at the person who died with reasons that they broke your heart. I lost my niece in 2020 I was actually mad at her for dying.
You may also direct your anger at inanimate objects like your phone you may even crush it on the wall.
Most of the time your rational brain knows that the object or the person doesn’t deserve the anger but your feelings at that moment are so intense.
Anger also sometimes translates into feelings of bitterness and sometimes resentment. This is a stage not many people go through.
Grief tends to make you feel vulnerable and helpless. With intense emotions, it’s common to look for ways to gain back your control.
Or may change the whole event of grief. In this stage you find yourself using the what if or If only.
When I was undergoing grief I even wanted to make a bargain with God. If I got back my little niece I will definitely change my life and even go to church for the rest of my life.
It is because God would have saved me from experiencing grief and pain. Bargaining helps you postpone the sadness and confusion and pain.
This is the point where the reality of the situation is now quite visible. You cannot run away from your emotions. Here you have to embrace them and work through them.
You may choose to isolate yourself from others in order to fully cope with the loss. The depression stage is usually difficult and messy if not well handled. As it’s very overwhelming, confusing, and tiring coupled with lots of tears.
This is a stage where when you feel really stuck you should reach out to a therapist. To help you cope with the conflicting feelings at this stage.
Reaching acceptance is one of the most fulfilling moments. It’s not necessarily accompanied by happiness. It doesn’t show you have moved on from the grief and loss .
It just means you have accepted the situation that happened and understand what it means in your life now.
You will probably feel different in this stage and it’s okay because a major incident happened in your life. You may become emotional, and cry sometimes but you will always forge ahead.